Turning Pain into Purpose
In recognition of Suicide Prevention Month and Construction Suicide Awareness Week, Marc Wiles shares the deeply personal story of his brother, Brett. Through reflections on loss, mental health, and the importance of checking in, Marc shares the lessons he has learned and the importance of looking out for one another.
Marc’s story and perspective are shared below.
Who was Brett Wiles?
When someone dies by suicide, their final moments can often overshadow the life they lived before. Marc Wiles (Ohio) refuses to let that happen to his brother Brett. Instead, he wants people to remember the devoted father, loyal friend, proud brother, and larger-than-life personality who touched many lives before the events of September 7, 2022.
Marc described his brother as funny and loyal. The kind of guy who was the life of the party without ever trying to be. He loved Ohio State football, his family, and loved his two daughters. “Brett was the type of person who’d move mountains for the people he cared about, no questions asked.”
Brett and Marc had a relationship like many siblings do. They bickered. They competed over everything, always trying to one-up each other. But underneath all that, Brett always had Marc’s back. Marc shared, “I remember one time when Brett came onto a jobsite when I first became a superintendent years ago. I treated him just like everyone else. At one point, he pulled me aside and told me how proud he was of me. I will cherish that moment for the rest of my life.”
The struggles people face in life are just part of their story. Marc shared, “I don’t want Brett’s life to be defined by how he died but rather, how he lived.”
A Changed Perspective
Losing Brett changed the way Marc sees people. He often finds himself wondering if there was ever a moment when his brother needed someone to ask a simple question: Are you okay?
“I find myself wondering if there was ever a moment when he needed someone to ask him if he was okay, and, if there was, whether I would have recognized it,” Marc says. “That’s probably one of the hardest things to live with, not knowing what I could have done differently. But I’ve also learned that I can’t change what happened. What I can do is make sure his death isn’t meaningless.“
One lesson has stayed with him above all others: you can know someone your entire life and still not know what they’re carrying beneath the surface.
“Someone can be laughing, joking, going to work, taking care of their family, and seemingly living a normal life,” he says, “while fighting a battle that the people closest to them may know nothing about.”
Like many people, Marc once believed there would always be obvious warning signs when someone was struggling. “Losing Brett taught me, in the hardest way possible, that isn’t always the case” said Marc. The lessons Marc learned after losing Brett didn’t just stay at home. They followed him to the jobsite.
Looking Out for Each Other
Marc’s work in construction has made these lessons even more personal.
“We spend our careers looking out for the person working beside us,” he says. “We stop someone if we see them doing something unsafe because we want everyone to go home at the end of the day. I believe mental health needs to be treated with that same level of importance.“
For years, construction has operated with a “tough it out” mentality. You show up, do the work, and keep your problems to yourself. Marc
believes that culture is changing, but only through open conversations and a willingness to support one another.
“Safety in construction has come a long way because people decided injuries and deaths weren’t simply ‘part of the job,‘” he says.
That belief is what led Marc to become involved with VitalCog, a program designed to help people recognize when someone may be struggling, start difficult conversations, and connect others with support. For Marc, suicide prevention isn’t about statistics or presentations. It’s about people.
“For me, bringing awareness to suicide isn’t about standing in front of a room and telling people statistics,” he says. “It’s about making it real. It’s about talking about people like Brett.”
Don’t Wait to Check In
Losing Brett taught Marc the importance of saying things out loud while he still can. If he’s proud of someone, he tells them. If someone matters to him, he doesn’t assume they already know.
September will always be a difficult month for Marc. “If anything good can come from something this painful, it’s having the opportunity to talk about Brett and the possibility of helping someone else before it’s too late,” he says.
“If there is one thing I hope people remember from Brett’s story, it is this: don’t wait,” Marc says. “Don’t wait to check on someone. Don’t wait to have the uncomfortable conversation. Don’t wait to tell someone what they mean to you. And if you’re the person struggling, don’t wait to tell somebody.“
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